Ground Zero

Still in it. Still smelling the burning smell of metal.

On another note, I want to have Anberlin's latest album, New Surrender. Anyone want to sponsor me one?

The Crazy Weekend

Last weekend I went for two events - Firstly Nottingham Games (Duh, in Nottingham) and Socialism 2008 in London.

Well, Nottingham Games is basically an event which every Malaysia society in the UK gathered around and plays sports with each other. I participated in football 5-a-side (like futsal, but the goal post is way wider and lower). Lost three matches and drew one. The Nottingham team was really good. Practically they have a gala time shooting every 20 seconds and their shots are really accurate. Don't know who won the football league though. After losing, went to the dining hall and bought nasi lemak. It was just average but I ate it as if I haven't eaten for days. Too bad I didn't buy more.

The next day I went to London with my sore aching muscles. I had to force myself to wake up and for once I thought I'll never will. Reached ULU and met my good old friend, Chansey. We straight away went for a discussion about the Tiananmen Square uprising. There were many differing opinions about it. Actually, too many that it is useless to mention it here.

But what I found interesting was the talk about Marxist economics. Again, I won't dwell about what Marxist economics are and the weakness of Capitalism for the simple reason I don't think I have understood everything they said. However, I think that the speaker's statement about Capitalism is a never a stable concept rings true to me, taking into consideration about the economic recessions we have been experiencing in the past 10 years. I do not agree with everything they say, but I am really pleased that I have looked on both sides of the coin.

One thing that surprises me is that they made a lot of reference to Karl Marx. Imagine hearing bad things about Karl Marx all your life and suddenly you've heard something good about him. It felt weird, neither in a good or a bad way. In addition to that, I could feel that strong sense of glorifying the founding people of Socialism like Marx, Engel and Trotsky, plus the way they address each other as ‘comrades’.

When you come to think of it, it is amazing that the UK allowed them to have a socialist party in the first place. Try talking about socialism back home and I'll be labelled as a heretic. I am not defending socialism; it is just that we are so close-minded that we never really put it to thought what is socialism and what are their pros and cons.

Had a 'rally' at the end of the day, with some of their influential members talking around, mostly nasty shots towards the Labour Party and the need to have a left-wing party for the workers. They even had an anthem at the end of it. They raised their hands with their fists clenched, while I stood quietly as a sign of respect towards them (without the fist).

Later, Chansey and Steve sent me back to Euston Station because they feared about me walking alone at the middle of the night in London (Thanks and I'm sorry that you had send me to the Tube. I appreciate it though!!).

The Socialism 2008 was worth it even though now I’m suffering due to lack of sleep and rest. Lol.

Reading

It has been a week here in Reading for me. The past few days were really busy due to a lot of things that needed to be dealt with. People may find going to new places exciting but I'm doing this with some reservations, for the simple reason that this is not some a week or two holiday. I'm going to be here for the whole year, which may bring new and unforeseen challenges.

But the week has been really good for me. I managed to settle down quickly before the class starts and even settled the important stuffs within a few days. I even managed to go to the town centre for the weekend and tried shopping for some good decent hoodies/jackets, but to no avail (actually I found a good one, but it is really expensive when I translate it to Ringgit).

I found out that Brits are really social people, and they don't mind talking to strangers. Lol. I was paying for my stationeries at the counter when a man talked to me and said, "You're really lucky to be a student". He was referring to the 10% discounts I could get by showing my student card. I replied to him, saying that it was never too late to be one. He was like, "I love studying. You'll never stop learning till you die." I agreed. Later, he introduced himself as Lough and gave me a handshake, saying "Welcome to the UK". I walked out from the store and thought to myself, the Brits aren't bad after all. Of course there are those bad and stuck up ones, but I think generally if you are kind to them, they would do the same thing to you.

That's about it folks. Oh, there are a few pictures which I took over the weekend:

A picture at one of the canals there (I think).

This one is at a park by the name of Chestnut Walk (Oscar Wilde Memorial).

More pictures.

Forbury Gardens.

This statue is to commemorate the fallen British soldiers from the Berkshire area in World War II.

Pretty flowers (in Yuffie language)

Malay Dilemma: The Fencesitter's Point of View (Part II)

I personally think that it is unfair for me to talk about the Malays and continuously putting them under the microscope. Additionally, I think it is unfair for people to be wholly critical about the Malays without being critical to other races too. Too many a time people talk about the Malays but so little talk about the others. Therefore, this time I think I should talk about the others, primarily on the Chinese, since I am half-Chinese which I can relate myself to.

The Chinese are really hard working and resourceful people, thus explaining the fact that most tend to be successful.

There are generally two groups of Chinese. One is the understanding and tolerant group, and the other the really Chinese Chinese. These Chinese Chinese tend to mix with their own group, and mixing with others is a no-no. Like I've said in my previous entries, too many a time I've been unsuccessful to mix with them because I'm not Chinese enough or I'm tainted with non-Chinese blood, and the fact I can't speak Mandarin or other dialects. A friend of mine who is Malay, got shooed from learning Mandarin because he's not Chinese. I got scolded by an old Chinese man because I can't speak Mandarin, and got a lot of angry stares from them.

Additionally, a friend of mine who studied at a prestigious Chinese school told me that he always got mocked by his Mandarin teacher just because he can't read the language good enough. It was up to the point that he was mocked in front of his class as a 'foreigner', which is degrading when you are in that situation.

Facts will give you circumstantial evidence that they tend to click within their own group. According to Ong Ka Ting, which I've read in the Star, he mentioned that about 90% of Chinese studies in Chinese schools. That means a whole generation of Chinese students to mix with their own group, and when they grow up they only know to talk, live, and be Chinese, not Malaysians they are supposed to be.

I know that Chinese schools produce students with good grades, but why defining people according to race/language today? This is Malaysia, not pre-independence Malaya or China. The national language is Bahasa Malaysia, not Mandarin. Do not be surprised that there are people who can't even speak Bahasa Malaysia even though they are born and bred here.

That brings me to the recent uproar about the Malaysian being locked up in an immigration lock up for six months unlawfully because she could not remember her IC and she can't speak BM. The immigration buggers thought she was Sri Lankan. Yes, it is true that the Immigration department buggers did not do their job properly and did not bother to check her claims that she is a Malaysian. But please, after so long living here, can't she at least speak bahasa pasar? Even my grandmother who was an immigrant from China could speak decent BM. My goodness.

Another one was the recent visit by the former Indian president. He made a speech, the whole hall was full. And everyone clapped. More amazing is that there was a whole mob just to take pictures of him. Even after 50 years, there are still people who regard highly of India or China than our own country.

Sometimes I think that there is some tiny truth in Ahmad's comments, though his are really stupid and very racist in nature. The conservative Malay man will see that his race is being condemned by other races. Remember the Negarakuku song which made mockery of the azan and the Malays? Hindraf, which accuse that the Malays are committing a systematic genocide against the Indians (this point, I really doubt this)? Surely he would have thought, "If they can condemn my race, so do I."

My point is that when you started to allow one to pass racist statements without any punishment for it, then others will follow suit. Even though the Negarakuku songwriter apologised for his deeds, he should have not been spared just by an apology. He must face the law, which translates into just punishment. His sentence could be reduced since he apologised, but he still has to face the music. Now that he just got away with it, the impression now is that people can pass any statements without any fear of a backlash or punishment. What about freedom of speech? Singapore sues people who defame their leaders, and most of them ended up bankrupt. You'll end up in hot soup if you make bad statements about coloured people in US. Answer: there is a limit to freedom of speech.

Personally, I think it is hypocritical of these people to just pass comments about azan being too loud. You expect them to tone down, but on the other hand you allow scantily clad women to dance around the stage just to appease the “ghosts” during the hungry ghost festival with high volume. Roads are closed just to make way for these shows. Pglgh. Hypocrites. Thank god for the rising cost of fuel, or else these shows would still go on. Now at least they put cultural shows, which is way better than the former.

Once that race bashing starts, it's a cycle. Unless someone steps in and say "Stop, this is too much!" and punish them severely for their actions, I don't see the end of it.

Malays are another group too. Some still have the perception of non-Malays as pendatang. It has been more than 50 years; they should be shredding that mentality off. Malays must accept that they are Malaysians. Plus, most of the Malays here can originate their ancestry to Indonesia anyway. So they are not the indigenous people after all. The only real indigenous people here are the Orang Asli.

I really don’t know now. Everything seems wrong. Everyone hates the other race. We define ourselves by race and not nationality. It’s a big mess here. Who is going to clean it up? We can’t expect others to do the cleaning, because they will ask us for a price. We have to clean it up ourselves.

Warrgh! Banner

I'm just psychologically tired from all the worst case scenarios I'm facing now. You name it, I've been through it. And I have not even stepped my bloody foot on Reading yet.

Additionally, it doesn't help too when everyone is relatively screaming on my face.

What have we gotten ourselves into?

Can anyone agree with me on this point? Our politicians have been doing a lot of fucked up stuff, both the government and the opposition. Do you think that it is time to stop this crap and focus on more important issues like the economy, education and security?

Our economy is not doing well now due to the US sub-prime market. To top it off, our politics is so unstable that we are driving investors away. All because of one person so eager to be PM by asking MP's to jump ship. Oh, and a very weak PM.

Our kids are not interested in studying now because they don't understand what their teachers are trying to teach them. It's not the teachers fault - it is the systems' fault.

Just recently a lady got slashed, stabbed and killed by robbers in front of the police. More worrying, it happened in a gated community, supposedly safe.

But all our politicians are interested in saving their own asses, not doing things in the interests the rakyat. They are supposed to go to Parliament to debate, make and amend laws but instead they go to Parliament just to curse around.

The good politician got scolded by his own party members for doing something which was right, while the bad politician who made very racist remarks got the backing of the whole state party behind him.

Can someone tell those fucking politicians and say, "Hey, stop this crap. Do your work. Properly."

Mirror

People always think I'm defensive.

People think I have no common sense.

People think I'm just bull.

But I always ask myself, "Is it me or is it THEM?"